I have been getting lots of Postpartum submissions that I am so excited to share with you, from women all over the world! The purpose of this is to have a plethora of stories that we can all read through and relate with ❤ If anyone wants to share their story on this blog, please feel free to email it to me ❤ All submissions will be posted under ‘Mothers By Nature, Warriors By Choice’
so here we go!
My name is Devon, I’m 24 years old, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
I have a son (Carson – March 4, 2015) and a daughter (Maisyn – March 7, 2016) – yes, they’re one year and three days apart !! 😂
I had Postpartum depression and anxiety after Carson was born, and it got worse after Maisyn was born. When Maisyn was 3 months old, I admitted myself into the hospital because I was having uncontrollable panic attacks, and that lead me into a state of depression. I stayed for a night and they sent me home. I was on a medication, and started to feel better around the 5 month mark, so against the advice of my doctor, I weaned off them.
It took two months to finally start feeling like myself again, and I was happy. Unfortunately, the PPD/PPA came back, in full force, just over three weeks later. I was having panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and I felt like I couldn’t care for my children anymore. I re admitted myself into the hospital because I thought my intrusive thoughts meant I was going into psychosis. Again, I was sent home and assured hat I was fine and that they were OCD thoughts. I still didn’t trust myself. My husband took time off to help me get back on my feet, and my mom moved in to help when he goes back to work.
I went back on medication, but it was a different brand, and my body had a bad reaction to it. The first few days I was so depressed, that I wished my life would end. I was told these feelings were normal, and I would feel better in time. Well, I didn’t get better, I got worse. I lost 10Lbs in 10 days, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, and I felt like I had no where to turn to help me.
My therapist looked at me like I was from Mars, and my doctor kept assuring me that the medication would work. Every clinic that specialized in PPD was booking 2-3 months in advance, and it would be weeks until I could get in with a psychiatrist. I felt like I had no where to go, and my hope started to fade. I thought my life would always be this way, and that was a hard pill to swallow.
I had joined a PPD support group, and that was my saving grace. My 2nd visit there, I met a nurse named Judy, who ran the group each week. I walked into the circle of moms, and started to have a melt down. Judy told me that I was in a state of crisis, and that I should leave the group and go to the UofA psychiatry walk in clinic, because they specialize in PPD and will be able to get me some relief.
I left right away, and drove there. I was met by an intake therapist who told me that they couldn’t help me, and that I would have to call the Women’s Reproductive Health clinic and wait for an appointment. I called, and they booked me in for January… 2 months away. I left the UofA feeling just as stuck as I had felt before. I called Judy, and left her a voicemail telling her that unfortunately they couldn’t help me, and I thanked her anyway.
I went for a walk to my therapists office that day, and again, she looked at me like she had no idea what to do or say. She validated how I was feeling, but couldn’t send me home with anything I could do to help myself. I walked home after that expensive hour with her, and started to talk out loud. I was crying, and I said “Please, help me. Give me a sign. Please”
And then my phone rang.
It was Judy. She called to apologize for sending me to a place that couldn’t help me. She felt terrible. I told her it was ok, and it wasn’t her fault. She ended up telling me that she took matters into her own hands, and booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist who specializes in PPD the very next day. I felt a glimmer of hope in my soul again, and I felt like I was going to get better and make it through this.
The next day I sat down in the psychiatrists office, and told her everything. Every intrusive thought, every worry, every panic attack, everything. She smiled at me, told me everything I had told her was completely normal and nothing to worry about, and that she could help me. She said she wanted to see me weekly, and she set me up with a therapist who specializes in PPD.
I stopped that awful medication that was making me sick, and tried a new one. I started to get better. My days became brighter, and I felt like my old self was coming back again.
I’m still have my bad days, but I now know I have Postpartum anxiety, depression and OCD. I am pushing forward and making leaps and bounds. It’s crazy to look back to two months ago and see where I was. I am on the right medication, I know how to manage my intrusive thoughts and how to talk myself through a panic attack. Each day that passes, I feel better and better. I’m climbing this mountain, one step at a time
With the help of healthcare professionals who specialize in what I’m going through, my PPD support group, my husband, my Mom, my friends and family, I am getting through this.
If you are reading my story, and can relate in any way, please know, you’re not alone. Don’t give up, don’t take no for an answer, and keep pushing forward.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel.
Heyyy I hope you’re well! I followed your page the other day after seeing the post with your stomach and baby and thought it was so beautiful of you to share with everyone! I wanted to share a bit of my story with you, I just had a baby 11 months ago, but unlike the loving stories that many women have to share, mine has been so hard. I fled from my ex partner only 3 weeks after giving birth due to domestic violence and was something which had worsened during my pregnancy. It was a really hard decision but the best I ever made. Upon leaving I had to deal with the aftermath of this abusive man who was threatening to kill me and abduct my child, and then finding out that he was also having an affair the whole time while I was pregnant and before we had our wedding day. God! It was the worst year of my life, I couldn’t breastfeed for very long at all due to the stress I was dealing with and I tried so hard because it was something I had always wanted to do. I found it hard to focus on my son because I was always breaking down and worried for myself and my sons life. I didn’t know how good of a mum I could have been to him and would hate myself for bringing him into this world and not being able to give him the best. I know I had suffered from a lot of post natal depression however despite the trauma and heartache I was surrounded by my family who I loved back and had provided both myself and my son with all the love and affection we needed to get me back on track. At one stage last year I was at my lowest and I truly used to try and stay in bed for as long as I could because I wanted each and every day to pass as quick as possible. I never thought I could smile or be happy or feel safe or proud of Myself for all I have achieved and the mother that I am. But with time I realised that the steps I made were for the best for my child and his protection. I came to learn that it wasn’t my fault what I was going through and that time was the biggest healer. I learned that my son was my world and my biggest priority and through all the hardship I had all the happiness in the world laying in my arms every single day. Yes it has been difficult but I salute myself for pulling through. I love being a mother, every day is a learning process and a day to be proud of all our hard work we have achieved. My advice to all women is that there isn’t one way to be a mother and no life is perfect. We may see or know people who deem to have a perfect family or look so happy but our perfect stories are built with what we make of it. I feared the stigma which came of being a single mum and thought people will look down on Me or how I would ever move on and whether I’d be able to find love again. But the world is so big and peoples minds aren’t so small, such issues will be dealt with and get easier with time as did dealing with being a mother for the first time ! X
If any of you ladies would like to submit your journeys, please don’t hesitate !!
Until next time